Weddings or Marriage?

I’ve got weddings on the brain – mostly because of this hilarious video I found on YouTube.

So now not only do I want a wedding, but I also want some form of hilarious dance-off to happen.

But do I really want a wedding? Yes, I want the beautiful dress and a day with all my friends and family – but why not just throw a party?

I’m not religious, so there’s no white wedding in a church for me, but I do eventually want to get married.

But they cost so much money! A budget wedding is about £15K – I could buy cars and amazing gadgets, nice holidays, print books, buy software, dozens of expensive shopping sprees, and a few parties with all that money. So why spend it all on one day?

I don’t believe in the sanctity of marriage – I know I will probably get divorced (I’m just that sort of person), so it’s not a personal thing for me. In fact, getting married would probably cause more harm than good for me because I would have to argue being able to keep my last name.

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So why do I want to get married? Because I want a marriage –  not a wedding.

Screw the expensive wedding day, I’d rather buy a pretty dress for £80 or so, and have an amazing party with my friends. I’ll just get married at the registrar office on a Saturday afternoon with some witnesses and my beautiful (imaginary at this point) husband on my arm. What’s the point in spending all that money to make one day special, when you could use it to make the rest of your marriage special.

Plus, when you have a short marriage and end up divorcing; you won’t still be paying for the wedding after he’s upped and left you. (I’m not a cynic – honest!)

 

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I Suddenly Want A Family?

There, I said it. I have suddenly developed maternal instincts and the deep want to get married.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me!  I mean babies are cute and everything, but before where I used to flinch if they cried, now I want to cuddle and soothe them. HELP!

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This is not helped by numerous Facebook friends having children and getting married. They’re always posting photos of their newborn babies and I just think they are adorable.

I think this started about a year ago when me and some friends started talking about our ideal weddings… I now have a weddings Pinterest board! 

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It’s got even worse since me and my boyfriend ended it (honestly: best break up ever, he’s so sweet) because I realized I needed more than he could give me. I’m not saying I will drop everything to have a relationship and a family, but I wouldn’t say no as fast as I would have a year ago.

I keep thinking about how I always said I would be married by the time I was 25: I’m 20 in three months and I’m still single with no men on my horizon. And what’s worse – I have a career (yes, that’s write – writing is my career and I love it more than people [call a shrink now]).

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I won’t give up my career, but do you know how hard it is explaining to people that you want to be a writer, knowing full-well that it will never make me any money?! Now imagine telling a guy that on the first date! Men (as much as they deny this) don’t like career women. I know the guys I know certainly don’t love the idea of a women (particularly me) being more successful than they are, and more so because I haven’t even graduated yet.

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Maybe I’m generalizing too much, some guys are absolute sweeties about it but I’m not looking for complete and utter admiration from a partner: I’m looking for some respect.

What’s wrong with me? Is it self-destruction of my career or am I genuinely ready to grow up and find someone to love and grow with?

Have you been through this and could spare some advice? Comment below or Tweet me @melissaholden94