Lover or Lifer?

What’s better for you in your twenties: a guy to waste the days with whilst you figure out your plan, or a man who wants to spend his life with you?

I made pros and cons lists…

 LOVER

Pros:

  • Fun
  • Carefree
  • No stress
  • No strings
  • Support when you ask for it
  • Amazing sex life

Cons:

  • No commitment
  • Doesn’t really worry about you
  • Doesn’t spend a lot of time with you outside the bedroom
  • It’s all about sex

 

LIFER:

Pros:

  • Loves you
  • Is interested in what you have to say
  • Will give you their opinion
  • Likes spending time with you
  • It’s not all about sex
  • Helps you when you’re down

Cons:

  • Can be clingy
  • Can suffocate you and not let you grow as a person
  • Has their own problems too
  • Might try to change you
  • You might not be their ultimate priority
  • It hurts when they break up with you

 

Looks like either case has it’s issues.

Personally, I believe that at some times in your life – you are not ready for love and a committed relationship. Not to say you should go out and have a string of one night stand, but perhaps fill your bed with a person you care about instead of a stranger.

Equally, you don’t need sex or love to be happy with yourself and should never base your life goals on the soul purpose of finding another person to share your life with. You are amazing by yourself, and (in my opinion) you need to be happy alone before you can be happy with another.

What do you think – lover or lifer? Let me know in the comments!

 

Weddings or Marriage?

I’ve got weddings on the brain – mostly because of this hilarious video I found on YouTube.

So now not only do I want a wedding, but I also want some form of hilarious dance-off to happen.

But do I really want a wedding? Yes, I want the beautiful dress and a day with all my friends and family – but why not just throw a party?

I’m not religious, so there’s no white wedding in a church for me, but I do eventually want to get married.

But they cost so much money! A budget wedding is about £15K – I could buy cars and amazing gadgets, nice holidays, print books, buy software, dozens of expensive shopping sprees, and a few parties with all that money. So why spend it all on one day?

I don’t believe in the sanctity of marriage – I know I will probably get divorced (I’m just that sort of person), so it’s not a personal thing for me. In fact, getting married would probably cause more harm than good for me because I would have to argue being able to keep my last name.

7068332399_d2e96c385c_z

So why do I want to get married? Because I want a marriage –  not a wedding.

Screw the expensive wedding day, I’d rather buy a pretty dress for £80 or so, and have an amazing party with my friends. I’ll just get married at the registrar office on a Saturday afternoon with some witnesses and my beautiful (imaginary at this point) husband on my arm. What’s the point in spending all that money to make one day special, when you could use it to make the rest of your marriage special.

Plus, when you have a short marriage and end up divorcing; you won’t still be paying for the wedding after he’s upped and left you. (I’m not a cynic – honest!)

 

Is Being Single A Bad Thing?

Is being single in your teens/twenties really as bad as they make it out to be?

single

I’m verging on 20 in two months, and I love being single. Yes, I do want to eventually tie myself down with marriage and a family – but as an independent Gen Y woman, I am quite happy to stay single for a while.

The stigma behind being single is that you’re lonely. I’m not lonely – I have friends and books and words. I have the internet – I can live without the night cuddles for a few more years.

thCA3AM5R1

In true writer fashion, I am an independent person – and the more time I spend with people, the less I focus on my writing. People (particularly boyfriends) seem to be a huge distraction from my writing life. That’s not to say I’m going to cut society out – every writer knows that the best way to find your voice, is to live life to it’s fullest and experience the world.

“Write what you know”  – Mark Twain

But this distraction-base isn’t limited to writers. I know so many couples that just get in each others way. They skip rehearsal because otherwise they miss dinner for a third night in a row. They say goodbye to the gym because the girlfriend wants to watch a movie. They miss girls night out because the boyfriend is complaining that he hasn’t seen her all week.

being-single-doesnt-mean-that-you-know-nothing-about-love1-sometimes-being-solo-is-wiser-than-being-in-a-false-relationship

Teens, especially undergraduates, are always being told to live our lives whilst we still can  – so why are we so ready to give up the freedom that youth gives us in order to settle in with a partner?

I don’t know, I’ve never done it. I’ve never even come close.

I could pin it all on conformities and leave it at that, but I don’t think that’s the whole truth.

Safety.

We want to be safe, it’s the comfort of knowing when you come home from a hard day someone is there to listen to you. It’s nice knowing there’s always someone on your side. But maybe safety isn’t the best thing for a person just discovering themselves.

I am ready to love someone, but I’m not ready to settle and be safe. If I met someone now, they would have to understand that I won’t be crying on their shoulder. I won’t be whinging that I never see them. I won’t be wondering what they are doing every minute of the day. I have a life to live, and I won’t put that on hold for a guy. I won’t put that on hold for anything or anyone.

I’m a Gen Y woman and I am happy being single. Are you?

 thCA15Q8GD

Got a comment? Post it below, or continue the discussion on Twitter @melissaholden94

Relationship Issues Blog Rant

So, as some of you may have noticed, I have been a bit on the fence about my current relationship. 

Usually in these situations, I am the laid back one, and it is my boyfriend-at-the-time who goes the extra mile and all that jazz. But this time the tables have turned and I have made some major relationship-epiphanies.

  • I want a serious, committed relationship
  • I want to settle down
  • I need someone who understands and supports my career choices
  • I need someone who understands and loves my weirdness
  • I need an independent man who can stand up for himself
  • I need a man, not a boy
  • You learn from relationships, good or bad, but I’ve learned enough now
  • I want a boyfriend who is going to take an interest in my life and what I do
  • I want a relationship that is two-sided: I want to be able to genuinely take an interest in their hobbies and life choices

I know there is a lot of “I”‘s up there in my list right now, but you need to know what you want from a relationship, in order to know what you need to give. 

I’m currently waiting for my boyfriend to check his phone so I can talk to him about this, and give him a choice. He either makes more of an effort, or I’m ending it – a fair enough choice, and one I already know the answer to.

 

Yours sincerely,

maybe-single-and-annoyed-student/writer, Mel

BYE! 

 

Why My Boyfriend Confuses Me

Dear Followers,

We’ve been seeing each other for a while now (all thanks to the wonder of The Internet), and other than the odd comment here and there, I haven’t really spoken about my boyfriend.

And before you say anything – yes, he is real!

I’m going to be kind and not name him or include an image – mostly because if his friends found out, he would never hear the end of it. No lie – he will probably be very awkward with me after he (if he) reads this!

So, here’s the facts:

When did you meet?

New Year’s Eve 2013/2014

How did he ask you out?

He didn’t. The first time we met, I was talking to my friend about Doctor Who, and asked him his opinion. We spent hours chatting in the middle of this party, whilst getting stupidly drunk (I’m a student – what else was I going to do on NYE?).

I got chatting to his friend, and asked if he (my boyfriend) had a boyfriend and how long had they been together? This was met by raucous laughter and my (now) boyfriend being told I thought he was gay. My only explanation was that he was so nice and cute and sweet that he couldn’t possibly be straight. He told me he wasn’t and kissed me to prove it.

How long have you been together?

Since NYE, so four months today! (01/05/2014)

Are you Facebook official?

Er, well I am listed as being “In An Open Relationship”. We are both very causal people who have our own relationship scars, so we like not to label our relationship.

What does he look like?

Just under 6ft, messy hair, pale, glasses, slim (honest – he is gorgeous)

Why My Boyfriend Confuses Me

I, despite my tender nineteen years, have had several serious relationships and my fair share of flirting. So when I met my boyfriend, I thought things would be different. And they are – just in a weird way.

Why is it weird?

He genuinely isn’t a typical guy when it comes to our relationship. Don’t get me wrong, he likes a beer and is obsessed with video games (OK – a Generation Y Typical Guy), but when it comes down to it – he is just different.

  • He doesn’t like to talk about sex.
  • He doesn’t ask for anything.
  • He doesn’t flirt.
  • He doesn’t like social media (or in his words “I have nothing interesting to post”).
  • He’s nice (and polite).
  • He’s as intelligent (if not more so) than I am – which is rare for my partners.
  • He doesn’t like taking selfies (I am obsessed with them).
  • He reads – a lot! (He puts me to shame actually).
  • He is amazing to look at and he has no idea.
  • He compliments me (and actually means it!) [but I can’t deal with compliments so this may be my issue and not his…]

I could go on, but you get the gist  – he is a 6ft ball of confusion with the bluest eyes and a killer grin.

There is, however, 1% of my brain screaming at me (everyday might I add) to break up with him because his differences scare me. That, and I fear the day he realizes just how messed up I am and breaks up with me. But who am I to judge those who don’t conform to society?

So, Boyfriend – if you have bothered to read this (although I doubt you will): I think you’re pretty awesome, and thank you for being you. Please continue to put up with me for the foreseeable future. 

Lots of like, your Writer Girlfriend 🙂

Thanks for reading, and I hope you can sympathy for my confused mind!

BYE!